Are you feeling fully confident?

are you feeling confident?Are you feeling fully confident?

A reflective and confident and honest! account on how to get some confidence back into your life.

In my search for a little je ne se quoi and a little bit more va va voom, after the holidays so that I could get some work, feel a little bit more focused, and feel as if I make a real contribution to this world instead of moping around feeling sorry for myself, I started thinking that I needed to reread some books to give me some inspiration.  In my blog yesterday  I talked about Real Love which is a book, a bit of a manual, to help you deal with children, but you could apply the principles to other people.

But I also thought “it’s all well and good, but I need something to inspire me in my field of work.”

So I just think a bit more about what I’m good at, what I’m offering to the world. What I actually can do instead of thinking “oh, no!  I have to restart, I need to wonder if I do this and I do that.” So I actually thought, “Who do I know?” and “What do I know?” about my own field of expertise.

Then I pondered for a few seconds, then I realised I have written a book myself!

What is my book all about?  What is the title of my book, already?

 The Power of Outrageous Expression

My own internal voice carried on:

Helene, you’ve written a book about expressing yourself and having the courage to express yourself.  Yet you’re not using your own principles? Are you forgetting what you’ve learnt?” I realised that what I needed to do was to revisit what I was good at, what I knew, so I could start afresh.  So today, I’m picking up my own book and part of me felt a bit cheeky ‘Picking up my own book?’ Are there no other books to read?  But my own stories in my own book highlight what my own achievements and remind me how far I have managed to get to.

Inspiring people to take risks, inspiring people to have a voice, helping others to stand up for themselves and to get more confident, more assertive and if I want to inspire anyone I need to be myself inspired.  So if you’d like to get that book you can buy it from Amazon and I hope it helps you too!

I’m running an offer on for this book at £5.00 for the whole of September, just to get you going so don’t hesitate, go and get it here.   It is a start to get you fully confident and if you want to get into a conversation, book a discovery call by phoning me on 07875627485  Have a fantastic day.

Helene.

How can a book change the course of your life

how can a book change the course of your lifeIn my last  blog , I started talking about this book I purchased at a dating conference.  

“Real love in parenting, Nine simple and powerfully effective principles for raising happy and responsible children” by Greg Baer

I find communicating with my daughter very difficult.  People say it is her age, she is 17. She is a reserved child and does not need to talk much or to touch either ( she doesn’t like cuddles and never has, really). I am the opposite, I am bubbly and like to cuddle my children and kiss them. I suppose we are opposite. It is strange to me that I have created such a stranger.

With learning about NLP and becoming older and a bit wiser, I felt I had managed the relationship as best as I could, in the last 10 years, with minimal emotional support  from her dad ( I split up when  she was 5) and other unsuitable men in my and her life ( I have had two long term broken relationships).

However,  I am an avoidant and guilty parent. Avoidant in the sense that I minimise interaction with my daughter because it becomes too stressful. I am there but I do not spend much time with her and at times I dread her presence because it gets too stressful. In the acute stress response, I often choose the flight because the interaction and the relationship do not bring the best in me . As a consequence, I feel a constant guilt for not doing enough, for not being around enough, for not being a good support and for not  listening enough or not being happy just being with her.

So the guilt is hovering all the time.  

Over the years, I have kept her busy with her school work during the term and on holidays have sent her,  away partly so I do not have to deal with her, with a sense of relief. At 17, she is now asking for more presence from her mum and I am ready to give her the support she needs, but how,  when I feel the irritation as soon as she is around. I have  been confiding this feelings to friends and used some coaching techniques to some effect but still feeling pretty inadequate.  I knew I needed a peaceful and loving way. To this day I am a work in progress.  Real love is about unconditional love to my children and I suppose to myself. In the course of my holiday, I read the book, in little bits slowly but surely, and started to feel different. By that time, I was in sunny Portugal with my daughter. In the previous weeks, I had noticed that I had not been on holidays with my daughter for years, that due to the tense relationship, I  had not desired to do that.

There she is,  this beautiful being asking me to go on holidays with her, just her and me. Really? Portugal was chosen and holidays were booked, money was spent but suddenly every expense seem to be worth it. I was still scared but with this book in my hand I had more courage, starting with the courage not to get angry anymore.

There is now a little card in my bag saying

Be quiet: be prepared to listen first before getting your point across

Be wrong: Anger is never an option, there is no need to be angry

Feel loved: if you do not feel loved yourself, how can you love another human being  

Get loved: find the love amongst the people who really care, create that network

Be loving: Once you have been given love, then you can love

 

Already I am putting things in place. In Portugal, I listened to these words and relaxed. The holiday went smoothly and I appreciated every minute of my daughter. Now back at home, with the routine in place, when I feel the anger filling me up, I pick up my card and I use these words of guidance.

There are days when a book can change the course of your life. Which book is it going to be for you? Please share by using the comment box below. 

Helene is a dreamer, a poet, a trainer,  a coach, a mother, a daughter.  She is passionate about helping others to find their voices through her training. Get in touch with her helenemusso.com. If you want to book a discovery call with her, please get in touch on 07875627485.

 

 

 

Do you suffer from post holiday blues?

man-1519665_640Here it comes again. 

I have had the most amazing holidays, have been very happy and busy and now I am back at home. I am struggling. Not struggling to the point of being really depressed, but this vague feeling of unease which means I would prefer to stay under my quilt far too long or lounge in the sun like my cat and let time just take over with doing nothing.

Every year, I suffer from this feeling and some years I  cope better than other years.

After a busy 6 months working in a school teaching and tutoring for a company, my work came  to a stand still and my business which was developing at the beginning of the year had  slowly shrunk due to the lack of dedicated time given to it. Children have taken over and friends have been around.  Being rather a loner despite my outgoing personality does not help and a sense that “it is worth any effort” and a great apathy. I have now been back for a week in my beloved Chelmsford and everything feels pretty alien and lonely.

My aim was to start blogging as part of Sarah Arrow’s blogging challenge and to make it on the 1st of Septembre. A few technical problems added to my current apathy and it meant that I have written but not done much else, especially posting. Strangely I have planned my first 10 blogs but not acted upon it much.

Is it self sabotage, pure laziness or a sense of what-is-the-point-of bothering anyhow-who-is-going-listen-to-me which festers when you have not got a regular job! Technology has slowed me down but also a  fear which is just a bit tickling my tommy, not rational. Not having a proper job and not having been able to prepare for much else, it feels that there is a great void. I keep saying that it will be fine that I can have the faith and have seen friends who have brought some support and some fun but it does not seem to be enough. Earning my own money and doing something in which I feel I contribute to others is rather important to me. Can I keep the faith? 

This afternoon somehow, I started to tell myself , “I am a bit bored with your attitude, young lady, is there anything you can do”. I was going to go running with my triathlon club but it did not happen as I could not pick up the car early enough from the garage to get to the training session. Basically I mocked up as I dragged the day and dragged the day in utter boredom and apathy. Then at Tesco, I picked up a copy of “Psychologies” and started reading. I do not know what I read but there was a “That’s enough in my head”.

You can do and you are in charge there or you can die in self -pity, it is up to you.

This afternoon in Tesco, I suddenly looked up around me and look at people, straighten my back and smile at myself and at others. Life is good.  

So I am starting this F..blog and my rant is over, it is up to me to make it happen.

What I would do differently next time though

  • Stop overthinking! Self analysis IS paralysis
  • Get busy with other people, seeing friends face to face.  
  • Pre-plan the return home so I have some meetings/work already organised
  • Accept that after a holiday, maybe I will have to behave like a responsible adult and that being an adult is good!
  • It is reassuring to know that it is a condition, and I know I am not that depressed so I must be ok!

Now I think I am going to make a yaourt cake, that is a start and two friends are coming for dinner! Phew!

Helene is a dreamer, a poet, a trainer, a mother, a daughter.  She is passionate about helping others to find their voices and to express themselves with assurance and confidence through her training. Get in touch with her helenemusso.com 

Surrender or getting angry, what choice are you going to make today?

Surrender or getting angry: choose the best solution, a story to help come to terms with not getting your own way.

I went to do a day’s supply yesterday in a school.  I still teach and I run my own business and I have two children, I sometimes wonder why I’m tired! Anyhow, I was in the classroom with year one, they are 5 to 6 years old, and I’d been with them over an hour and break was coming up.  I got them ready for break and as they were lining up, I was sent a message that it was wet play, which meant they had to stay in the classroom.

This was my second day in this school and I was quite tired, it was Friday, the end of the week.   And I just had one moment of complete anger, thinking ‘what am I supposed to do now?’ And I did call to another teacher, I could see one bringing students back from the playground. I asked ‘What am I supposed to do?  What’s happening to break?’

businesswoman in anger

I had two choices there, the first one was to make my own life a misery, and I was getting quite tense with the kids, because I needed a break.  Then I thought, ‘Well, actually if I had a break that would be great, but I haven’t got a break, so I may as well be easy on myself  and enjoy being with the students.

They all took their coats off, I told them they could play, they took   some toys out and started playing and I sat there and started playing with them too.  Making faces, laughing, talking to them.  And you know what?  Once I had decided there was nothing I could do and I needed just to surrender, just to calm myself and just go with the flow I relaxed and I wasn’t half as tired, I didn’t need my drink now.  I would have been pleased to have a drink then because you get thirsty when you teach, but I could wait.

happy girl in yellow dress

By the time break was over I was ready to start again, then suddenly someone turned up and said ‘I’m here to relieve you so you can have a break.’  I thanked her, gave her some work for the children and left for 10 minutes.  But what was amazing was that if I’d been annoyed with the kids, carried on wanting my break, pushing and getting annoyed, I would possibly have shouted at the children, made myself feel bad, upset the children, and it wasn’t their fault, and by the time someone had turned up I would have been really, really wound up.  But I chose the easiest solution.  Just to surrender.  To think ‘Ok, let’s all have a break together, let’s make the most of it.  Just enjoy being together’.

The kids were having a good time, they weren’t misbehaving, they were lovely and I even gave them a few more minutes play.  So they were happy.  And I think that’s quite important when you want to think about expressing yourself. If you find the wrong time to say what you feel, I could have been really angry, and get really annoyed with the kids and the school.   But because I decided not to and I decided I was going to relax my whole body started to relax.  I didn’t feel as tired and although obviously I needed a break, it was less urgent.  And it is something that’s quite important when you start speaking or when you’re in front of other people and you have to speak.

3d imagen Attitude issues concept word cloud background

Often, it’s better not to worry and just take one thing at a time.   Hold the faith, think that it’s going to be OK.  It’s going to be alright. And realise that if you push too much you are going to make everything miserable, you and the others around you.   Also, what do other people need?  The children needed a break, but it didn’t really matter where it was.  They wanted to play and that is what we did.   Because they were allowed to play and because I relaxed, they were happy.

I think this is a really quite important lesson to learn.  To just relax and surrender.  To just think ‘OK, I can’t have it all my way, and does it really matter?  As long as we, as a group we are making progress.’   That’s what counts.

So, I just want you to think today about the analogy between that situation in the classroom and times when you might have talked to your team, you want them to do this and that,  you just barked orders at them instead of trying to see what else they need. “Are they ready to listen to me? Is it the right time for them?  How can I engage them?  How can I treat them so that they respond? Can I really control the whole thing? Shall I forget to try to get my own way?

If you like this blog, please comment below. Thank you

Helene is a dreamer, a poet, a trainer,  a coach, a mother, a daughter.  She is passionate about helping others to find their voices through her training. Get in touch with her helenemusso.com. If you want to book a discovery call with her, please get in touch on 07875627485 or email beconfident@helenemusso.com.